If I had to pick a word to describe my spiritual life right now, I would have to say "unsatisfied." It's not that I don't realize that God is still at work in me even when I don't see progress, it's that I feel like I'm missing out on something. Sadly for me, though, I always try to fill gaps myself. I feel slightly better for all of two weeks and then I just feel like the gap is wider. Progress is painful when you stop at mirages to quench your thirst.
I'm ready for something more. I want something more--something bigger I can really sink my teeth into. I know that there's more to my spiritual development than the fifteen minutes a day in prayer that I spend and my grand expositions on being an "agent" of the Kingdom of God.
I think that this is part of the deal. We're left always wanting more. Hungry, being filled for a time, and then the hunger and thirst begin again. Maybe my own dissatisfaction with the way things are is reflective of God's own ambition for me to not be satisfied with the status quo.
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