So now it goes

At the end of last week I decided to start a small fast. I'll probably actually consider doing it again this weeke, but probably not from food. I want to start training for another half-marathon, and so I'll need all the calories I can muster in order to do that. But Thursday and Friday I fasted from essentially sun up to sun down.

Richard Foster says that nothing reveals what you're trusting in faster than fasting. I know that sounds silly, but it's true. How much do you rely on food? You rely on it to live, to satisfy, to give comfort (what are your comfort foods?), and as a means of fellowship. As soon as lunch time approaches, your stomach begins to growl and your mind instantly turns to how you can stop that rumble. You could be coming up with the cure for cancer, but even that wouldn't stop you from trying to sate your growing hunger.

Thursday was hard because I didn't think to do it until I was at work. And I kept forgetting throughout the day that I was fasting and kept snacking on random things. That was a bit annoying, but I've learned you can't be legalistic about these things. Friday was better as far as not eating, but it was really very hard. We've just moved to a new place, and that means I needed to be able to lift and move and sort. That's not easy as your blood sugar plummets. Work, I think, was worse in that regards.

What am I trusting in? Sometimes I don't think I know the answer. I definintely look for my comfort and security in my work, my place of residence, my fiancee. I don't look to Jesus for most things that aren't "super important" and that's what I wanted to change this time. I kept praying the Jesus Prayer over and over and over again, moving my fingers to keep me focused. I kept telling the Lord, "This much, Lord, I want thee...." I want to yearn for God like I yearned for sustenance. I want to feel empty until He fills me. I want to stop snacking at the table of the world and its so-called comforts and feast on the good things of God. I'm not even sure I can define that.

This much, Lord, I want the...
Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner