The problem with actually putting yourself into a major project (a la spiritual development), is that there's always an enemy. There's something sinister behind the scenes lurking, waiting, prying, conniving. There's a cunning machine designed around a very simple prospect: pride comes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall. And it's insatiable. The appetite of this Fiend is so intense that mere mortals are incapable of withstanding a subtle twist. Supernatural aide is what is required, and there's only one place that can be found.
I feel rather dry right now and very frightened. I'm waiting here for the next shoe to drop. Just when I think things are in good shape, I get completely discouraged and fall into a very dark place. It's a long, dark night of the soul within, and I'm not sure how best to bring about daylight.
The goal for this week, begin regular regime of fasting which does not include food, but will stretch me till I yearn. Spend time in silence and prayer.
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